Beneficial Discipline
Hmmmm. That's a thought provoking
title.
One point that needs to be made from the start.
Never discipline in anger.
I used to tell my daughter, when things got too complicated, "You go
to your room, I'll go to my room and I will come to get you when I have
calmed."
Often times, she just went to sleep. There was a time when I found that
very upsetting, how could she sleep when I'm so distressed?!?
In hind-sight, it was probably better for both of us that she did take a
nap.
It may have been her need of sleep that caused whatever the situation was
in the first place. The situation may have been even better resolved if I
had napped also.
But, alas, you know what they say about hind-sight.
Our first step in any situation is to call a family meeting. This is a
solemn conversation, no TV, no CD; everyone sitting around the table face
to face.
Our position is that we are a team, if one of us has a problem, we all
have a problem and we all will solve it.
Our second step is to let the family member with the problem explain it to
the rest of the family in enough detail to come to a solution.
(The trick is to look very thoughtful, and not laugh, these stories take
some interesting turns in order to cover the back side of the teller.)
Our third step is to ask the family member involved, what they think will
best solve the problem.
This depending on the age of the child, usually involves beating up
someone else's child, or the child's parent is being a pain in the
you-know-what.
It is explained that the other family will take care of behavior problems
in their family, and that is not our business. We are concerned with
behavior in our family, because family's each have different cultures and
rules that they are governed by and we have ours.
Each member of our family regardless of age will
behave according to our family's morals and standards.
Our fourth step we pray for guidance.
This is a short, to the point prayer, so that the person with the problem
knows how much that they are loved and that we and God are always there
for them to help them find truth and a good life.
Thanking God for always being with the person with the
problem and watching over them.
(The child at this point is reconsidering their story)
Step five is asking the person with the problem if there is anything more
that they remember about what happened before we, as a family, decree what
action we shall take.
This will usually take you back to step three, now that the 'God is always
with me' reminder has kicked in.
Step Six... finally.
My answer to beneficial discipline was to reinforce what the child was
being taught in school at the time.
Our daughter only had one problem at school, when she was 6. She falsely
accused another child of wrong-doing.
After going through the above process:
She had to write the alphabet X amount of times, presenting them to her
father after each time for correction. If she skipped a letter, he threw
it away without comment and it was redone .
I told her to write a story about a fictitious character who had done
something that they shouldn't and what the consequences of that
character's actions were. She then had to turn it in to her teacher.
The teacher told her that it would count for her grade for that marking
period.
This is beneficial discipline, because it demonstrates to the child family
support and values, religious values, and practical application of
educational skills. AND by writing the story we were sure that she
understood why what she did wasn't the best answer.
Discipline is not violent, it is not dominance, it is educational.
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